I am gay, and 20 years old… I honestly can say that I am not happy. I don’t feel like I’m doing well at being a Christian. I try to pray but I am inconsistent, and sometimes I have no clue where I will end up. I feel like God is in some way absent because of my relationship with a woman or maybe just because I am gay.
I want so badly to be connected with Him. I know that if I have Him, I need nothing more. I long for the morning I wake up entirely alone and am serene because He is there with me. I tear up at the idea of God speaking to me. Accepting me without change.
But a voice in the back of my mind always makes me think that I am wrong. That I must change in order to walk with Him or to know my full potential. I just want peace. Not to be appeased. I want to walk with Him properly, but something in my heart is not connected with him yet. I want to be connected with Him.
Please help me to figure out what I can do to Grow closer to Him. I know he is all I need.
First let me say from the beginning; your sexual orientation has nothing to do with God loving you or not. As for how you are doing as a Christian, maybe a quick read of these passages with help you figure that out:
1) Do you love God with all your heart, soul and mind?
“Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.” This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: “Love others as well as you love yourself.” These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them. (Matthew 22:34-40)
2) Are you feeding the hungry? Clothing the naked? Giving drink to the thirsty? Visiting the sick and those in prison?
Then the King will say to those on his right, “Enter, you who are blessed by my God! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why:
I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.”
Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, “Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?” Then the King will say, “I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me – you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:31-40)
3) You love God and are in relationship with God, then believe these words of Jesus:
Don’t let this throw you. You trust God, don’t you? Trust me. There is plenty of room for you in God’s home. If that weren’t so, would I have told you that I’m on my way to get a room ready for you? And if I’m on my way to get your room ready, I’ll come back and get you so you can live where I live. And you already know the road I’m taking. (John 14:1-4)
My friend, these are the tools by which to measure how you are doing, not who you are in love with. In fact whom you love will come about because of doing these things… regardless of gender!